IndieBlurb - Independent Film News

So last night my cousin Jonathan stopped by armed with a couple indie horror flicks. The first one we popped in was so unbelievably bad right from the start that we couldn’t even finish it. Determined to watch a movie though, we decided Big Bad Wolf was going to have to be the one. It ended up being an hour and a half of our lives we can never reclaim.

Where do I start? I guess we’ll start with the acting first. Perhaps the only way it could have been any worse is if you could have visibly noticed the actors reading from cue cards. The timing in which lines were delivered was enough to make you groan, and groan we did. Of course considering the ridiculous dialogue, we can’t completely blame the actors. If it was the screenwriter’s attempt to purposely write an onslaught of horrid one-liners, he most definitely succeeded.

Probably the worst thing about Big Bad Wolf though was how predictable it was. As soon as we were introduced to one particularly grumpy character, I said out loud, “he’s the werewolf.” I was right. So, there was in fact no suspense, no mystery or twist involved. Nothing to keep you guessing whatsoever. Instead there was a whole lot of filler and unnecessary scenes which we could only assume were thrown in to beef up the length of the film. Without them, the whole story could have easily been told in the first half hour and it probably should have been.

I imagine right now you may be thinking, “if it was so bad, why award it one and a half stars?” Well, despite how truly bad this film was, there were a couple particularly memorable scenes that actually made us laugh out loud. They were so awesome in fact that we had to play them back a few times.

Probably our most favorite scene occurred when our grumpy werewolf rips off some poor kid’s head and then proceeds to drop kick it. Hilarious. Here’s hoping the werewolf doesn’t have any intentions of moonlighting as a soccer player, because it was the weakest kick I’ve ever witnessed. I don’t know if you can even call it a kick. It was more like a love tap.

The second scene involves our grumpy werewolf again, who also happened to be a rather horny werewolf. Before killing the token big-boobed blonde girl, he proceeds to violate her doggy style. We nearly fell out of our chairs laughing.

Nothing about either of these two scenes was in any way clever, they were just so beyond stupid that our natural reaction was of course to laugh uncontrollably.

I’d love to discuss the movie’s plot, however there really wasn’t much of one to discuss. At least not one that made a whole lot of sense. I won’t even get started on how many holes there were in the story because trust me, there were plenty. You could probably invent a game revolving around the film’s plot and see who can identify the most plot holes. The loser would be forced to watch the whole thing again.

If for some reason you feel like torturing yourself, I strongly recommend Big Bad Wolf. You won’t be disappointed.

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